whining

it all starts with a partially overheard conversation between a male and a female coworker. and just goes the fuck downhill from there.

i spoke with wade the other night about his rolling of the durango. i kept wanting to say, i love you. but the honest fact is that i don't! haven't for a while. i am pretty sure i did at one time.

and then talking with vib this morning about relationships and stuff. how she misses certain things about her ex-boyfriend, but not enough to go back. and i mentioned that wade was funny, then i had to admit it was only funny for a few minutes since his (and my) humor is based in sarcasm, and his was mostly based on julietissostupid. and i have fallen into that type of relationship before and don't want to be there again.

and then vib asked what i am looking for in a man. well, i don't know. she says i must know. i tell her i can tell her 48 miles of list of things i don't want, but not what i do. and i know this is not good. i should know what i do want. as well as what i don't. and then she says, well, nobody is perfect, you know. are your don't wants unresasonable? i don't think so.

no teeth rotting out of their heads in a stinky manner, no cheating, no stealing... not unrealistic at all, in my opinion. not a drug or alcohol abuser.

and i am on the verge of crying and i hate that. i don't know if it is the lack of happy drugs or the fact i might be pmsing or just what, but i hate it. i want to be happy. yeahyeahyeah, i know i am the only one who controls my feelings and such, but fuck! sometimes it is just hard to pull myself out of the funk.
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in other news, i am completely dissatisfied with all the forms of eye makeup remover i own at this time. none work like i want them to. even my favorite! what is up with that?

my skin has been an oil slick for a couple weeks now. i could not keep it from shining if my very life depended on it! again, what is up with that??

i can't seem to get back on the WW wagon. i gained 2.x pounds last week ( i think it was actually a two week gain that just didn't catch up with me in a timely manner)! and i just can't get back in the groove. i ate 6 little pancakes this morning. with butter. knowing full well that my stomach is not happy right now! i almost exploded (felt like i was gonna, anyway), this ayem (thanks Shelly for "ayem." love it and am using it as you can plainly see. you use some other cool made up words, but i will only borrow this one.) so, i am still abusing my body badly.

i think about going to the gym almost every day. and don't go. cuz i'd rather go home and sit on the bed and crochet and watch movies on tv. or anything but work on my body. and then i start to get down on myself about not exercising because people who exercise can eat more and stay skinny, but i am seriously of the belief that it is the FOOD part of diet and exercise that makes all the difference. i could exercise from here to eternity and not change my body at all. ok, MUCH. but if i eat waaaaaaaay less, i can change my body in a very obvious way. so then i decide not to beat myself up, much, about the gym thing. and i also have my future involvement with bsah to consider. if i get into that i certainly won't be able to work out after work because i will be doing that. fuckfuckfuck.

it is hate fat juliet day, folks. fuckfuckfuck.

12/19/05

well. yesterday i went to my storage unit and went into every single box and i am definitely missing a box of shoes in their boxes. i am missing all my birkenstocks and i don't know what else. and i can not find my black leather jacket. i want these things.

i have asked wade to send my desk chair (he can even keep one!) and my vcr and the remote, and i think there was one more... yup a comforter. and nothing. since the day after thanksgiving. hello? doesn't natalie want that stuff out of there? does she even know it is still there and that i want it?

so i sent an email this morning about the shoe box and jacket. i was ever-so-nice and non-angry or demanding or anything else i could think of that is negative. i did not mention the past stuff i have requested. i did not threaten or anything. but i want my shit!
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i found a lot of stuff to either get out of storage and take home or at least put to the front of the unit so i can get to it when i want it. cool. the place is feeling more and more like home. or i am feeling more and more like juliet. i am not sure if it is one, the other, or a combination of both.

i still have not decided if i am going to go on with the artist's way or not. i got out my other dr. phil book and how to think like da vinci and some others. oh yeah, how you do anything is how you do everything, too. and all my klutz books are at the front of the unit in the bookcase for my eventual enjoyment. ahhhhhhhh, sweet juliet-time!
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about the wild calls a few weeks ago from nat. . . i am sitting her pretty much thinking that she decided she was being really immature and white trash and decided to not call back and show what an asshole she is. but it occurred to me that maybe she thinks she scared me so much that i didn't have the nerve to call her back and let her call me names. hrm. not that it matters in the cosmic scheme of juliet.
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it would appear that i am living in exclamation point land! cool. i don't care. i don't use a lot of other web shorthand or whatever you call it so i am keeping these.
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mmmmmmmmmmm coffee good. and i finally had the damn pancakes i have been craving for (how long?) like two weeks or something.

the other day i realized that there is actually something about wade i will miss: his banana pecan pancakes. not much else i have come up with so far, but those pancakes. i did hate the fact that he always had to make four gojillion of them and that he could not make the first batch and then sit down with me to eat them and then continue making the next ones to freeze, but, hey, i was only married to him. that certainly does not mean we talked or expressed desires or anything like that. god forbid!

yeah, well next time buddy, i intend to be better to myself and if letting someone know me and what i want and all that jazz leaves me single, so be it. amen.

i like blogger.

ok. a new blogspot. i tried the LJ deal, but have not gotten very friendly with it, ya know? i like blogger. it is easy to load pics and all that jazz. and i like the NEXT BLOG feature in the header on blogs. i found some cool stuff that way.

so.

Thirteen Things about juliet1…. this is my first entry for this iteration of the blog world. 2. i am getting over my break-up better than i thought i would 3. i like the picassa feature with blogspots 4. i have eaten like a maniac this week, rather than like the good weight watchers kid i am supposed to be. 5. it is rainy so i am not going to hash tonight. 6. i have so much to do this weekend with art RRs to be mailed monday 7. and xmas goodies to make and 8. xmas commissions... 9. somehow i will get it all done 10. i am off for a week between xmas and new year! yesssssssss. 11. i need to look for a better paying job 12. i love chocolate 13. i have been thinking about getting a dog from the pound lately. not a normal thought for me. Links to other Thursday Thirteens!1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

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